Finding my Inner Goddess

Where did I get lost???

Some may think their inner goddess is obvious to find. She actually isn’t. In many cases we as women have ignored her based on the teachings that it is a Man’s World, and women have to be tougher than a Man to make it. Ladies, this is not a teaching of feminism; heaven knows there is enough of that running around for everyone. I am not talking about what we are biologically capable of doing such as bear children, or bleeding for a week without dying. When I say find your inner goddess, I am talking about that part of you that oozes in sensuality, charisma, and the ability to care and nurture. All women are born with an inner goddess that defines them, radiating in that woman’s ultimate strengths. Not all inner goddess are the same for all women. Some are more earth mother, while others may carry the strength to make Athena herself quake in her armor. It is just some times we lose her somewhere along the way; we get wrapped up in ourselves, life, kids, spouses, and work. Somewhere along the way we forget to find our inner goddess and embrace her.

All of this is an account of how I lost my inner goddess and my journey to find her again. To find my goddess after multiple heart breaks, miscarriages, after disappointment over and over both professionally and personally; even after motherhood and true love finally found me. This Mama has lost her inner goddess and she has to be found.

Even growing up I always had my doubts about who I was, and if I was good enough to anyone. No matter what role the person was in my life. I always thought I was lacking as a friend, daughter, sister, granddaughter, etc. All I ever heard was how I needed to improve, rarely did I remember hearing what I did that was right. So self-esteem issues began to rise. I also had and still have body image issues. Even as I bloomed into womanhood, I looked more Earth Mother than Aphrodite. Which frequently boys would point out. Not what you want to hear when you are sixteen and trying to figure out who you are. If they did not point out your flaws, you were just “One of the Boys” a friend zoning term that is designed to be less harsh than; “Your not model or cheerleader pretty”. A few years in life that are more prone to bring out your inner Demon than your inner Goddess. Yet as the teen years started to wind down, I did try to listen for who my inner goddess was. She never spoke up…

My twenties started with dating men who were more boy than man…Typical for this age I guess. Guys who wanted their cake and eat it too. Heartbreak felt like my middle name, to go along with heartache; depression set in and what little self-esteem I did have seeped away as well. I ended up marrying the first guy who was kind to me, only to end up in a never-ending cycle of abuse. To be honest some of it probably did go both ways. I also found that alcohol numbed the pain and disappointment at least for a little while. Babes were lost, heartache became a never ending cycle; I worked, I drank way too much, dealt with my then husband, repeat. I started to notice some of my own strengths. Eventually after several attempts to leave my husband, I was finally able to leave for good. I waited for my inner goddess, still she never made herself known. While going through my divorce I practiced several self abusive habits; including letting the wrong men play with my heartstrings. I also noticed that people who I had been friends with for years took advantage of my kindness in multiple ways. The only peep from anyone I ever heard was, “Cut away the toxic people in your life.” This was incredibly difficult for me considering I did not have that many friends to begin with, and the list was shrinking even more as I moved on with my life. However, while I cut away the toxic friends in my life, I still chose toxic men. After my divorce, I learned the grass was not always greener and found a being more abusive and dangerous. After several months of fearing for my life, and going through great personal loss, I left after having him arrested. For a short period of time I felt empowered, like I could conquer all I set out to do. Then I realized all of the friends that I would have been able to go to for help, were part of the toxicity cleanse. The only person I could turn to was my now ex-husband. While I will not discredit his kindness at this time in my life. He was still a bad partner, and shortly we tried to reconcile. Let me get to the end of what could be a drawn out story… It did not work out. I remembered why I left him the first time.

I eventually got back on my feet, started back to school, and thought I had found love. Well it started out great then of course me being me I started to see all of the cracks. There were way too many differences to not notice. He in turn began to be very controlling, I began drinking heavily again. My inner goddess never found me at the bottom of a bottle. I wanted so badly to just start having things go right for a change. Eventually I ended the relationship. I was alone and happier but something was still missing. I began seeing a guy online shortly after; figuring killing the loneliness would help solve the emptiness issue that I had. I knew what I wanted in life. They were pretty simple: a loving husband, children, and to own a home. So while dating a guy across the country I focused on school and work. I was maintaining straight A’s with the exception of math classes (long story), work was going well. I thought I was in love with the guy from the internet; so much so we planned a meeting and then he moved in with me. Never did anything dawn on me that there was a reason he was out of work for two years. We ended up getting married, after dating for two and a half years. Another mistake but it was not the same kind of abuse so I was oblivious to the factor that I was the only one working till I was not working and had moved to his home state after I graduated. After two and a half years of marriage and his few revolving attempts at employment; I packed up the car and came home. My depression had me in a dangerously scary place. My self-esteem was shot to Hades; literally. When I did get out of the house to do something I felt nothing but shame. There was no way my goddess was going to speak to me in this mental state.

Once I was back in my home state, I was living with my Mom. Though for once I did not feel that this was the worst thing. It felt healing and that is what I needed while I was getting the paperwork together for my second divorce. I had no children which broke my heart, I had by that point had nine miscarriages since the age of twenty-one. I had been beaten down, torn down, used, and abused. I was at my own personal ground zero, I needed to heal, I needed to rise from my ashes. After all I have been through in life I always related to how the phoenix is reborn from her own ashes. I started to realize that I needed to draw on that to help with my healing and to start hearing the voice of my inner goddess. Who better to learn about myself with but my own Mother.

While living back at home, and in my early 30’s; I found a job, and I started to reconnect with the friends that I had left when I moved. It was healthy to be back, during the initial few months after moving home I had decided to divorce my then husband. Eventually I even reconnected with an old friend, and high school crush. He was my kid brother’s best friend, my senior prom date, and always there when I needed to be told that I had my head up my butt. Shortly after reconnecting we began dating. We were having a blast but suddenly realized that a lot had changed about both of us. So we started re-learning each others’ quirks. We also had started falling in love with whom we both had become. I was still trying to find all of the paperwork to file for divorce when we found out we were pregnant. Still during all of this I was trying to find my inner goddess. I starting to see some results. I knew she was strong, stubborn and smart. Was still missing that fist bump action that you read about in “fifty shades of grey”. Though I finally found a healthy relationship. He told me positive things about me that he saw (and still does), we knew we wanted to marry; so we were planning our life and preparing for the arrival of our baby. Only thing that slowed things down was my divorce from hubby number two. Finally found all of the required paperwork, and filed. I signed over the title to my truck to him to help expedite things. At five months pregnant my divorce was finalized. Part of my dreams for myself were coming to fruition. I was going to have a husband who loved me unconditionally, a child at least, I was flying on cloud nine. I was starting to feel like my inner goddess could come out. Of course as we have all figured out she is still pretty tight-lipped. Though somewhere during my seventh month of pregnancy she started to emerge. Strong, quiet, at times wise, fun, sensual, caring and vibrant. I was too wrapped up in my own life to really notice all of that. Between the wedding, the birth of the baby, and life with a new family I lost my inner goddess again just as I was starting to get to know her… So here we are today. I am thirty-five, have been married three times, and have a nine month old daughter who between her and her Daddy I am a happy Mama. Yet something is still missing. I have not really met my inner goddess and I think it is time to do that.

I was sitting on the couch watching cartoons with my daughter as I my mind started to wander. Why have I never heard my inner goddess? Where is she? Do I really have one? Me personally I have always been pretty in tune with my thoughts and feelings, good or bad. I was just starting to figure out who she was before I had my daughter. Now that I am a mother, I figured to be a better mother to my daughter and any other children, and a better wife to my husband; I may just want to start meeting this mystery woman inside me…

I also noticed that there was a serious lack of articles that help women find themselves again after motherhood started. There are so many changes that we go through hormonally, mentally, everything! So anyone who is interested in reading the pondering of a housewife in Georgia, please feel free to go on this journey with me…It will get interesting I am sure.

This is the Way We go to School…

Education Through Play?

One of two things seem to happen when I mention that we plan to homeschool our children. One is that we are applauded for me having the patience to be Mama and Teacher. The other is total confusion. With the argument that the school systems are more equipped to teach kids. I am sure they are, no doubt there. I went to public school as a child. This was not something that we decided overnight, and as our children grow older we will discuss going to public school or even private school if they ask. However; things have changed in both the public school culture and homeschooling cultures since us parents were children.

Our toddler is 2, so I am not talking a hardcore curriculum here folks. I print out coloring sheets for 1 letter of the alphabet a week, practice counting, learning basic colors and shapes. We also go outside and explore nature, read extra stories, and have music and dance time. We learn through playing. Something she would be doing anyways, but to help structure our days a little better. This has helped keep us from losing track of time and keeping her on a routine.

Having our “classroom” time has helped in so many ways! She is speaking better, she can do more problem solving on her own, and she can identify objects without help from me or her Dad. As we have all grown older we learned to plan our “play” so to speak. When we go bowling, or to the movies, even when we meet up with friends. Kids do not do that! Especially at this young of an age. It is something we learn. So I can better be able to play and my daughter is better able to learn; I have come up with some strategies to help make playing and learning fun for both of us.

Struggles Come and Go:

Before I get to the fun activities, let me just say this; some days are a struggle. I have read other blogs on homeschooling, and introducing the idea of school to toddlers all of them have the same thing: if school is not fun at this age stop! So when she has a day where she does not want to color, or play games, or even have structured time of any kind; we stop. I want her to love learning, I can sneak it in other ways. No sense in her having a meltdown, or fighting me every step of the way. There will be time for that later down the road. When she is actually able to begin rationalizing.

Now because I am a stickler for organization and sticking to a plan; I created a loophole for me too. She cannot be the only one to get her way you know! My loophole is this: either we start our activities later in the day when she is more willing to participate, or we just wait till the next day. I just switch up my weekly schedule. For me this is a great relief because everything I want to get done gets completed. Also I more peace out of the day. Happy toddler, Happy life.

Always remember you are not failing your child. I have had to look at her days of not wanting to have school as a lesson in creating her own boundaries. Some days she does not get to decide what or when she gets to do anything. Somedays I just have to tell her this is how it has to be done.  However for now; it is a good way for she and I to communicate. 🙂

 

And Now for Our Games!

There are lots of games that you can use to teach your children anything. These are just a few of the ones that have become our favorite recently. So much so that I just had to share!

Color Sorting and Shape Sorting Games:

I put these two together because they are very similar in what you need to make them; as well as how they are played.

Color Sorting Game:

This game has been awesome for helping my toddler start recognizing colors. It is very simple, and economical for us parents too.

What you will need is:

• Craft Pom Poms, (The more basic the better.)
• Paper or styrofoam plates, enough to match all of the colors you have.
• Crayons or Markers in the colors you have.
• A sheet of white paper.
• Pair of scissors.
• Bucket or container big enough to hold it all.

Most of the items needed can be purchased at any dollar or discount store. There will be more of some colors than others. That is okay so long as you think you have enough of every color. Toddlers tend to have very short attention spans, so we have to be willing to accomodate them. 🙂

How to put it together:

• Count how many different colors you have in Pom Poms. (My game has 9 different colors.) This is the number of tags and plates you will need.
• Write in Crayon or Markers on your sheet of paper what the colors are in their matching color. This can help your game last longer in your child’s education too. They can learn to recognize what the word looks like. (For white, I wrote it in Gray for obvious reasons.)
• Cut out your Color Tags.
• Place all of your Pom Poms, Color tags, and plates into your container for easy storage. Bam! You’re set to play!

How to Play:

This is where the fun and magic start to happen. You can modify this as your child’s memory of what color is what improves to provide them with new challenges too. However, for basic game play this is what I do. 

Game Play:

• Set up your plates around the table you want to play on. (We prefer our coffee table.)
• Then place your Color Tags onto the plates.
• Add 1 Pom-Pom of each color onto the matching plates.(This gives a great visual for your toddler to work with, and understand.)
• With the other Pom-poms in the bucket, start by pulling out one and ask your child to place it with the one that matches it.
  • NOTE: My daughter likes to keep trying the wrong ones just for fun; once she gets on a roll. This is because I make noises when she is right or wrong. She seems to think the buzzer noise when she is wrong is funny. Just let them have fun. 😀
• Once they get the hang of what colors are what, let them reach into the bucket and pull out one to match.
  • NOTES: This adds a new level of challenge. We generally do this at the end when she is starting to tire of the game. It gives us a few more minutes of fun before we move onto a new activity.
  • Watch out for neon colors. Neon yellow and Neon green in Pom-poms tend to look quite similar and both you and your toddler will have a difficult time identifying where they need to go. I learned this one the hard way.
• To advance the level of difficulty of play, as your child becomes consistent in placing all of the Pom-poms where they belong as well as with age; you can make the following changes:
  • Remove the Color tag so that they have to tell you what the 1st Pom-poms color on the plate is.
  • You can also remove the 1st Pom-pom on each plate so that your child especially if they are learning to read can only use the color tags to identify where the Pom-poms need to go.

Shape Sorting Game:

While this game is very similar in play and set up and construction of the Color Sorting Game; it does have a little more versatility by the fact of you can add and change the shapes you decide to use. Sometimes even in the way you decide to label your shapes.

What you will need:

• You can reuse your plates from the Color Sorting Game.
• Enough Construction Paper to make the number of each shape you want.
• Scissors
• Markers
• White Sheet of Paper
• White Crayon

In all honesty I used a white crayon because I was using darker colored construction paper, so it made it easier for me to see where I needed to cut my shapes.

I focused on some of the more basic shapes that kids seem to learn first. It also allowed me to get a little creative because shapes like Diamonds and Triangles tend to come in different styles. So I got to play with some of these too! My lines are not perfect but they are close enough to give my toddler the right idea. So parents have fun with this! Once I had drawn my shapes, I cut them out. All in different sizes, and the few that had them had some variation to them.

 

 

Then I got creative again making the shapes tags. I wrote the name of the shape on my sheet of paper and then drew on the shape around the word of the shape to help simplify game play just a bit. Unlike with the Color Sorting Game where you would add a Pom-pom next to the Color tag, the shape is already on the Shape tag so you do not need to place the additional shape.

Now you set up this game the same way you would the Color Sorting Game. All you do not need to do is place a shape next to the Shape tag because they shapes have all been drawn on their tags. 🙂

You can also play it much like you would the Color Sorting Game. You hand your child the shape and ask them to place it on the plate that has the matching shape. My challenge for my daughter here was to do Squares and Diamonds. She has like with her colors picked up quickly on what her shapes are playing this game with me during our classroom time.  Towards the end I give her a chance to pick her own shapes to match. It adds a little longevity to our structured play time.

Our Final Game is…:

We teach by example. That is something that my own Mama told me all of the time. Be the example not the follower. This is true for teaching children charity, cooking, doing laundry, paying our bills; everything. My daughter loves playing in her toy kitchen. I take her to the grocery store with me a lot, and she loves it there, lol. We talk about different foods and what I need to get off of my list. Well, this lead to the brilliant idea that for our letter of the week a couple weeks ago was the letter G. G is for Grocery Store. It was really a simple game to set up for her. However, because of her age some of the concept was lost on her. She wanted ALL OF THE FOOD! Not just what was on her list. Though in time I am sure she will understand it. This is a great game for older children, but super easy to do especially if you already have a toy kitchen with foods. 🙂

What you will need:

• A computer or phone with the ability to hook up to a printer.
• A printer
• A search engine
• Toy food to match what you are putting on your list
• A toy basket or buggy (Shopping cart for those who aren’t in the South)

I started by making the shopping list. Since our letter for that week was “G” I wanted some things that had “G” either in their name or description. A few of the others were added because my daughter could recognize them easily. *Remember* the idea with introducing some of these games is just plain fun, with undertones of learning.

I then went into a word processing program to put in all of my images to make the shopping list. I also wrote the name of the food next to it because again, I want her to recognize the letters in the words. I am playing right along side of her so I have total control of what she is looking for first. I know sneaky but it allows me to guide her in the direction I want her to go in our “Grocery Store”

Setting up our pretend Grocery Store, I did get a little creative. I did not want a bunch a shelves that were never used except for one thing, nor do I have the room for all of that. I used what I already had. My dining room chairs! It was quick, simple and the perfect height! On days we play this game, while she is watching Curious George, or Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood; I turn all of the chairs in the dining room around. So that their backs are against the table. Then I go to the storage tub that has all of our toy food for her kitchen and I find the foods that are on our list first and place them out on chairs. Rarely do I put more than two items on the same chair or “isle” as I call them when the chairs are turned around. Then I find other foods and place them on the “isles”.

I go and find her toy buggy and gather up our list and anything else that we may need to play the game. When we are ready to play I call over my little shopper and we run through a check that I do before we actually leave to go to the REAL grocery store. This happens at the entryway of our dining room for our purposes. Do you have your purse? Do you have your list? Do you have your money? (I used to be really bad about leaving my wallet at home, so this actually had to become a question for me.) She checks for her coins from her counting piggy bank toy, (I always try to use what we have on hand. You could easily make fake money if you wanted to.) Then we walk into the store and I direct her to tell me the first thing on her list. We go through the store and find the first thing on her list. She places it into her buggy, and then we go on for the next and so on. Well this is when things can get a bit too exciting. 

At the age of two and you are getting to “Grocery Shop” like Mama; you tend to get excited after a couple of items on your list.  Now in an actual store I would freak out if she just started throwing things into my buggy; though we are not in an actual store just her pretend store, so she wants everything she sees on the “shelves”. I try to redirect her but I do not always win. The name of the game is to make learning fun. Well she has fun alright! When she finishes cleaning off the isles she goes to “check out” where I ring her up, and she ends up over paying me, lol. When I tell her this she just say, “Oh. Ok bye bye!”

My Goal:

There is a reason I tell y’all some of the things that tend to happen when we play these games. For one they are funny, for the second; it shows how flexible you need to be willing to be when trying to start introducing your toddler to “school time”. I know there are not a lot of parents who do not think they have the patience to do this. I used to think the same thing about myself. I found that I love our little homeschool time. It is growing time for both of us, and it is so much fun watching my daughter learn so much about the world around her. It has also been great having some structure to our day as well.

My goal with playing these games with her is so I can have some of the organization that I feel that I need at times; while introducing her to how fun learning is. Also as she gets older if she thinks that learning is fun; then perhaps class time will not feel like such a chore but more of an exploration into new horizons of the world around her.

I hope everyone gets a chance to try these games. They are not much, but if you are wanting to start your homeschool time with a budget in mind, or just want some fun games to play with your kids to help them learn these are really fun in our house.

At the Mercy of the Two Year Old

So Many Changes:

In life we all go through many series of changes. Some are personal, some environmental, some emotional, others are just thrusted upon us and we have to roll with the punches. When you are two years old, there are so many changes! You have so much more world awareness, you are beginning to want to learn about EVERYTHING! You could be moving to a big kid bed, learning to use the potty, wanting to imitate Mama and/or Daddy.  It is a fun age. Definitely fun to watch.

However, there are other changes that no child can control; such as the expansion of the family unit.  In our case as you may remember it is the impending birth of our second child. This has been a huge change for the entire family. Our toddler has taken everything in stride. All the normal stuff, we moved, she has gone to a toddler bed, she is aware of the new baby coming soon, and she is starting “school” with Mama. Since we plan to homeschool; my husband and I thought it would do both of us some good to start the process with some school like activities. Our daughter loves it and it has helped me start realizing the type of organization I will need to keep track of all of the kids stuff as they get closer to starting an actual program. Anywhoozer, this type of play has helped to expand our toddlers vocabulary which makes her want to always talk about everything! It has also opened up a new skill set in her life: her imagination.

As a parent who has always had quite a wild imagination of her own; I can already tell my daughter shares this gift.  If it is developed with lots of creativity activities and exploration, as well as with story time; her imagination will lead to wonderful things. Even with the moderate possibility of it getting away with her at times. (A factor I know all too well!)

Wild Imagination:

Watching my two year old use her imagination is an awesome thing. It goes from basic everyday things such as cooking in her toy kitchen, to playing with her toys watching her bring them to life. One of her favorite things to do is have her doll house out and have the animals behave like people and the people behave like animals. There is some irony in this; from the mouths of babes…

While not able to fully dress herself independently yet; she is able to use props quite well! One of her favorite movies is “Sing!”, and a lot of that is because of the music. She loves to pull out her pink sunglasses and rock out like her favorite punk porcupine trying to sing her songs and play with her toy guitar. God help me but I may have a little rock star on my hands, lol.

She loves music so much that as she sings she dances along to her own beat. While I know there are toddlers everywhere who do similar things; this outlook on the world is quite fun to watch develop and grow. It also can lead to its own set of troubles. It is there that we fall unto the mercy of our two year old.

More Coffee…Please…:

I thought lack of sleep from teething is bad. I was WRONG! Teething at least has methods to help ease it. Basically, my inner control freak is able to ease it all the way to stop the pain for a while. My mythical powers are defenseless to fear. The discovery of her imagination is a wonderful thing and I would not change it for the world… it also helped to bring around a small level of fear. Fear of the dark, fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, fear of missing the fun. Sometimes, terrors that she is totally unable to tell us about. There has never been anything traumatic in my child’s life, I remember having nightmares, my Mom remembers my night terrors; but for the life of me I cannot always scare away the Boogie Man in my child’s mind fast enough. Apparently, instantly is not an option.

So I fall mercy to lack of sleep, and cohabitive sleep at least part of the night just to scare away the things that go bump in the night in her mind. She wants snuggles to go to sleep, then we can lay her down in her big girl bed, four to five hours later she is running to our room either crying or as fast as she can to crawl into bed with us. Never able to tell us what she is scared of. All I ever get is, “I scared, I sad” or “I want you Mama.” If she is crying there is a good chance I won’t be able to stop it on my own, nor will my daughter be able to tell us anything. I hold her and sing to her till she falls asleep again, then my cat comes and snuggles up to my daughter and then the sobbing softens and begins to subside. We are blessed to have such a wonderful family pet.

 

Bad Dreams and Anxiety, Sleep Thieves:

Like any concerned parent would, I took to the normal routes of finding advice as to what could be disrupting sleep yet again in our home. I talked to our parents, (Grandparents are a wealth of knowledge that I am glad we have as a resource.) I talked to friends. We hashed out stories with our kids looking for similarities. Then like any Xennial parent when traditional routes failed or additional ideas were needed in combination with advice…I took to Google to see if there was anything I was missing.

It has been a few years since I finished college and a couple more years since I had to take human development, (I majored in psychology, interesting class a lot of information to remember, lol.) I found that I had forgotten some very important details in early childhood development.  Toddlers much like babies feed off their parents anxieties. While they do not always understand what is eating us, they feel it. Then there is the fact that someone realizes that she is going to be a big sister soon.  So, there is my mother’s proof that we cannot shield our children from everything no matter how hard we try. Also the big changes that are coming, (birth of the new baby) have everyone a little anxious; there was one other thing that I read and realized could be another factor.

I’ll Solve the Puzzle Pat…:

Falling asleep has always been my child’s issue with sleep, once there she does not want to be woken up. Most days when she gets her nap she sleeps for 2-3 hours. Since she fights taking her nap till mid afternoon. So nap time is having to be adjusted depending on when she wants to fall asleep. However, solutions to the other possible issues, are simple and have solutions. Whatever my husband or I could possibly be tense about, we are finding healthier ways to dealing with so we do not appear so tense. This has helped relax our kiddo. We are adding and making changes to her bedtime routine. Playing with new techniques and see what works for us. Also when naps happen in the afternoon, they are being shortened so more energy can be burned off before supper in the evenings. We still discuss the baby with our big girl, because this will help her not be as anxious about becoming a big sister.

I am also realizing that there are somethings that need to be tacked onto my resolution for this year of rolling with the punches more. This needing to be applied to: Toddlers do not like having to stop having fun to sleep and recharge. The other being nightmares happen and all I can do as a Mama is hug her and remind her that I am never far away and that she is safe.

Now that I have solved the puzzle, what do I win? I think at least another thirty minutes of sleep!

 

 

 

Take 2! Here We Go Again…

When Sticks Turn Blue

Did you know that sticks turn blue? Well they do. I have had this happen before. I have a daughter as proof. Well recently my husband and I were in the middle of packing for a move. Well this was about four months ago actually. All of a sudden I have a week where I was barely able to hold my eyes open, could barely eat anything…Ladies you know the drill. My brain went well maybe I should take a test. Can you guess the results of said test? Yup, the stick turned blue.

We are happy about this turn of events. It happened at a really inconvenient time! We were moving! My husband works long hours and I am a stay at home mom with a then 1 year old who was into everything! Now she is two and she is into even more things. I was frazzled; I had no idea how I was going to get everything done! Then I remembered my old adage that many of my friends also believed: It takes a village…

So I called in the troops; girlfriends are the sisters you find! The friends who were able to lend a hand and we planned packing parties. I fed everyone, we listened to music, turned on the TV and planned indoor activities for the littles, and got things done. It helped with the stress; I totally advise everyone find friends like this that you can count on no matter what.

However, that is not the point to this post. While my friends are my village and awesome; my true point is this.  There are a million thoughts that go through your head when you find out that you have a second child on the way!

Questions Every Parent Asks:

I remember when expecting our first daughter that I had a million questions then too. However; the pale in comparison to some of the questions I ask myself now. Those questions such as: How will I deal with the sleepless nights? Can I handle all of the changes? What changes will my body actually go through after she got here? Along with 101 other questions. I am sure that we have had all of these thoughts as we waited for our little ones to arrive; though some of the questions seem to change when it is time to expect a second bundle of joy.

How will I be able to get enough rest? One will be nursing every two hours and the other one is a ball of energy? How will my older daughter do with the new baby? How will I take care of both kids with such different needs? Can I keep up? Questions that have their own validity but can only be answered with time. The first 8 weeks after the new baby is here will be fairly easy. My husband will be home to help with the kids; it is after that I worry about, but know that I will find a way to manage. Women have been raising multiple children since the beginning of time.

Then I am asking myself stuff like: How much like my other child will she be? Will they get along as they grow up? Things I have no control over. Things that will just make me go insane if I put too much focus into them. We all have those what if questions we ask ourselves about our children. My brain seems to like overloading on them.

Though the questions that I do put some thought into because there is a little bit that I am able to do about them are the questions that revolve around things about me and the marriage my husband and I have.  While the latter part of that we as a couple have to make plans for we do discuss things of this nature because we share a similar concern.  How do we find more time to be just us? How do we make sure that we still make time to connect as a couple not just parents? This is something that in the beginning with our oldest was very difficult for both of us. Then there are questions such as: Am I insane for wanting to do this at 36? I will be 37 when the baby is born; can I cope will all the energy that I have to find? When do we say enough children? Should I consider one more? While many of them are personal; several are also concerning my own personal health. Something which has improved since my first pregnancy some. There are somethings that I have to take day by day; including the option for my husband and I to continue growing our family. How do we decide on how to find the answers that best fit us?

Finding Answers:

As with all things in life; sometimes you just have to stop and let God. Basically, slow your roll, be quiet, and pray. Many times in my life that is how I have come to a conclusion to anything that is weighing on my mind.  Generally I come up with an answer. Well, when facing a lot of the questions that focused on me, my health, and energy levels. Let us face facts folks; two year olds are active! I prayed, then I was quiet and listened. I am not saying a cloud opened up and God started talking. No, I listened to my own body; a different type of little voice. I’ll find the energy to keep up with it all. It may just take a couple extra cups of coffee. I’ll keep working on being healthier for my family, for myself. It is all about mind over matter.

Now the last huge question is whether or not to stop at 2 or shoot for 3. Well, that one question needs to wait before it is answered. Not because hubby and I cannot answer it. We wouldn’t mind looking at trying for a son; but we are not in our 20’s anymore. We have to see how the rest of my pregnancy goes. We have to see how delivery goes, mostly how well do I do with it. We tend to try and be logical people so we just need more variables in place before we consider an appropriate answer for that question. As for whether or not we are insane; well… in the words of the Cheshire Cat from Alice and Wonderland: “I’m not crazy, my reality is just different form yours.” We love being parents, and knew we wanted at least two children. Anything after that is an additional blessing.

Anticipation:

Somethings do not change when you find out you are having your second child. We have hated waiting to find out if we were having another girl or a boy. Fortunately for us; thanks to our age, I was advised to have a harmony test done. This is genetic testing that checks for the risk factors of  certain genetic defects. It can also tell you the baby’s gender. I am happy to announce that baby is fine. She is also our second little girl. So now we are just making ourselves crazy with the wait to meet her.

Well we do not have to worry about what we need, what we do not have, all the usual new baby stuff. We have most of what we need from our first baby. Some other items we realized that we did not need before so we have already made plans for other items in their place. Like the carrier car seat. It was great, but only used for a few months then we did not need it anymore. We decided that we are just going to do more baby wearing, and get one car seat that can grow with her. You know the usual second time around type of decisions.

One thing we did not have to do the last time was prepare anyone else for the arrival of the new baby. The cat figured it out before we did, lol. This time we have a two year old to help understand that our family is going to grow. Not exactly an easy task when the person you are having to explain changes to is just learning to talk. 🙂 Though she started to eventually got the point and gave her two cents. She wanted a sister. Well, from the mouths of babes… so here we are. She is getting her wish, and she was actually excited. Which made us both very happy.

Not everything is perfect. Our oldest has her own adjustments to make. She is getting called a “big girl” more often, or a “big helper”. Some days she just isn’t having it. She will walk around the house saying “No, I a baby.” Then we give her some extra love, and attention and it passes. That can also be any day living with a toddler. They want to be independent and big kids; but then they also want to be the littles they are and get lots of snuggles. I have learned in the last two years that growing up is full of paradoxes. This information would have saved me a lot of headaches when I was growing up.

We Think We Have it Together…

I have seen with friends kiddos and from family that fun little reminder of every child is different; and more than one is a game changer. Well currently pregnancy just provides a challenge when you have a toddler. I have been trying to take everything one day at a time. When baby #2 does make her arrival into this awesome world; we will have to keep taking things one day at a time. Every day will provide new challenges, changes as the girls grow. Some days will be easier than others. I just have to learn to take things one day at a time.

Recipe Time: Air Fryer Cherry Pies

Gotta Have Sweet Treats:

I know it is late in the summer; but you still have to have those sweet treats. Problem is especially here in the South, you do not want to add extra heat to the house. Enter your Air Fryer. We love ours, it has allowed us to have all of the treats that would generally have to be cooked in oil; minus all of the fat and grease of frying foods. I just happen to love fried pies. A great treat down here. Problem is that they are very fatty from being fried.

Now you can use most of your typical fruits that are commonly used for fried pies: apples, peaches, and cherries.  A couple of weeks ago was the height of cherry season! So at the grocery store you were able to find a great deal on the price of cherries. Me and the kiddo love cherries so I stocked up. Now you can only pit cherries for so long before you have to start thinking about what to do with them. Our family is trying to eat healthier so I started scouring the internet looking for fried pie recipes that were done in the air fryer. There were not really that many out there that did not have you putting them in a mini pie dish and going that route. That is not what I wanted. I wanted a good old fried hand pie that did not have all of the calories and fat from the traditional method. So, I got creative. Here is the recipe that I came up with.

Air Fryer Cherry Pie Recipe:

Cherry Filling:

I wanted a nice sweet but not overly sweet cherry filling. My daughter does not eat a lot of very sweet foods, she is not a big fan of candy even! (Mama win!) These delicious natural summer treats needed just a little extra sugar to help pull the natural juices out of the cherries. I also added a some lemon zest and juice of half a lemon.

Filling Ingredients:

2 lbs of Sweet Cherries

1/4c of raw sugar or honey (really trying to avoid processed granulated sugars)

The Zest of 1 lemon

Juice of 1/2 a lemon

2 tsp of cornstarch or arrowroot

Directions:

In a medium to large pot, add the cherries, the sugar or honey, lemon zest, and lemon juice. Turn the eye onto medium heat till the juices have pulled out of the cherries some and you have enough juice to make a sauce. Turn off stove and pull pot off of the heat. Add your cornstarch or arrowroot. You may need more than the 2 teaspoons and that is okay. Mix it into the juice and cherries. Keep an eye on this part, because you are wanting to thicken the juices into a syrup. Set aside.

While the cherry mixture is cooling, pull out your go to pie crust. I used a store bought out of convenience. Throw some flour on the table so you can roll out the dough. Try to get it about 1/4 of an inch thick. You want to be able to fold it but not have the cherries try to push through the dough. I had some issues with it on the first one.

Cut circles in your desired size. I used the lid of a large empty coffee can so my pies had uniformity. If you use that method you should get six good size hand pies.

Once you have cut out your pie crusts, go ahead and melt enough butter to help you seal the crust shut. When you have everything ready; it is time to start assembling.

Pie Assembly:

Have a baking sheet ready so you can store your ready pies while two are cooking. Take your pie crust, on one side of the crust put on no more than a 1/8c of the cherry mixture. This can be eyeballed, just remember that you want enough space to seal the pie crust. Using a pastry brush, brush butter onto the edges of your pie crust. Fold your crust over, and crimp with a fork. This helps to make sure that your pie is sealed. Place on your baking sheet.

Cook Time:

Following the direction for your air fryer, set the temperature to 350. Brush a little bit of butter onto the pies. Place 2 pies in the fry basket. Some air fryers will allow you to do more, but mine only let me do two at a time. Set your timer for 20 minutes. When you have about 10 minutes left baste your pies with some butter to help get that yummy buttery taste into the crust. Use a spatula to pull them out when the time goes off, and repeat till all of your pies have been cooked.

Uses for Leftover Filling:

I had leftover filling. Because this simple recipe is fairly healthy for you. I put the syrup in one jar. I use it for pancakes and such. It is so good on blueberry pancakes!

In the other jar I put mostly cherries. I keep plain greek yogurt in the house because… well I can flavor it however I want to. I also use it in place of sour cream when I am cooking certain dishes for supper. No one can tell the difference. When I am making yogurt for myself or my daughter, I throw in a few heaping spoonfuls of cherries and mix. It is a great snack!

Most importantly; Enjoy the bounties of summer!!

 

Spiders Away…!!!

Some Things in Nature:

I hate spiders…actually I am terrified of spiders. I can deal with many things in this world but not eight legged creepy things! I’d rather play with a wild copperhead snake. That having been said; there are just somethings in this world that we may not like but they actually serve a purpose. Sadly, spiders are one of them. They kill a fairly wide range of pests that we all like less…Mosquitos and flies for starters.

So when my back porch was starting to see an increase of these vile webbed beasts; I bargained with them.”You stay on your side of the porch and I will stay on mine. Everyone lives and all will be well in the world.” I also added that as long as they stayed outside they could eat whoever they caught. It sounds foolish to bargain with an arachnid but hey, I am one of those people who think all things in nature understand one another on some sort of level. I promise the spiders did not talked back!

They Broke the Truce First:

Well, when one of the little fangers decided to come into my home and bite the back of my leg, (which did end up require antibiotics.) I started getting really concerned about the health of my family. My husband and I both were more concerned about our daughter. So me being the homeopathic, tree hugger that I am; I did what any rational anti-pesticide parent would do. I took to Google! Oh that repository of knowledge that our generation would probably be lost without.

I do not like to use chemicals and pesticides in our home. Especially where the baby plays and our cat eats. I also believe that the mosquitos must die! Killing all of the spiders unless inside was totally out of the question. I searched for repellants. I just want them to stay outside. I came across another blog that had 3 DIY methods for repelling spiders. I used one of these methods and I will post a link to her blog at the bottom of this recipe for spider repellent.

Love my Essential Oils:

I am a firm believer in essential oils for anything I can use them for. This was another one of those fun applications where I could kill two birds with one stone. Make my home smell great and not have eight legged creepies! According to Mrs.Happy Homemaker, spiders hate the smell of peppermint and citrus. Personally I like that combination, geez the nerve of some critters! However, this is where the information ended, like just use one or the other; mix them…well I did further research to confirm these findings. It was backed by other sources, so I decided to play mad scientist and mix peppermint, pink grapefruit and orange together. It smells great! Just follow the directions below.

DIY Spider Repellent:

What You Need:

1 Spray bottle

Essential oils: Peppermint, Citrus

Water

Dishsoap: I used 1 TBSP

Mixing Instructions:

Fill your spray bottle up to just below the neck. Mine held 4c of water. Now add your dish soap. I used 15 drops of Orange essential oil, 15 drops of Pink Grapefruit essential oil and 30 drops of Peppermint. The blog that I used suggested 15 drops of EO per 2 cups of water. I wanted a little extra scent to mine. Do what works best for you and your family. Then shake to mix well and before each use. Yes the water will suds a bit at first but it works.

Reference: http://www.mrshappyhomemaker.com/diy-natural-spider-repellent-3-ways/

Happy Spider Hunting!!!

 

 

Where Have All the Girls Gone?

Portrayed as Fragile:

I read to my daughter daily. Sadly, I have had the same realization that many parents of daughters have had all over the country. There is a very small percentage of children’s books that actually feature a female lead. Even our favorite traditional fairy tales that feature girls tend to be the damsel in distress or women play the villain. Examples of this would be Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, even Beauty and the Beast. The list goes on. While these girls are central to the story, they do not tend to be shown in a very strong light. Cinderella feels defeated by her Stepmother and Stepsisters until the fairy godmother enters the story; even then she almost does not get to try the slipper on for the prince. Snow White is portrayed as too trusting and almost is killed multiple times by her own Stepmother the evil Queen. This also makes her seem to completely lack common sense by speaking to a stranger, and not questioning things presented to her. Rather she takes things at face value; such as the corset strings and the apple. Y’all see where I am going with this. These are just our fairy tales. Stories that many of us read as children such also portrayed predominantly male characters. I am by no means suggesting we rewrite the classics, but new stories for our modern girls.

Now I am not saying that all books are designed to exclude girls. Look at the Madeline book series, Olivia, Angelina Ballerina, etc.  However, the majority of girls and women in books are either not shown in the best light; or they are non-existent. Even non gender assigned animal characters are also generally referred to as “he”. Girls are taught all of the time they have to be strong, be independent, be a force of nature. I think we should be able to back that up with some characters in children’s books that are relatable to that message. Even just something for everyday life that they can relate too.

Our Past and Present:

We in America are traditionally used to a patriarchal society. Let’s face facts folks; in the 1950’s “Father knows Best” was a top rated tv show. Our father’s in many cases where the head of the family, and everyone including our mother’s for some followed his lead. He went to work to paid the bills, mother stayed home and raised the children and took care of the home. While this mentality did change over time, by the 1990’s many mothers were back in the workforce due to economic changes. So they started teaching their daughters how to survive in the ever changing world. There are also in other cultures more is expected of the men in a community. All of this goes back to our more primal hunter/gatherer mentality. While the world has changed, it seems some traditional values find a way to hold on.

Now, I am far from being one of those women who believe that women have it so horrible in these modern times of ours. Compared to women in history; women today have it good! We have rights, we have a voice, we can own property, we can have an education, we can vote, and we can raise strong little women too. It would just be nice to see more children’s books where women play a more positive role, where girls are the protagonist. Where they have a strong voice and save the day.

Comic Books vs. Children’s Storybooks:

Comic books are a great source of strong women. They are strong, they have super powers, creative back stories, independent, and in many cases drawn more provocative than a young girl needs to be exposed to. I am sure I am not the only parent who thinks this. I am also not going to read X-Men comic books to my one year old.

Many parents start reading to their children as young as possible. Storybooks are generally for ages birth to six or seven. Have life lessons presented in a fun adventures, with a blend of genders as the protagonist. Not dominated by male characters, not female villains. A happy blend so all children can relate to the characters they are reading about. Our daughters need more storybooks they feel they can relate to. Little girls who want to go save the world, or even their neighborhood from whatever evil or oops a writer can think up. The sky’s the limit! It is one of the blessings of imagination. Maybe a little girl who has superpowers?

My Plan for the Future:

I hope and pray there are some budding writers out there who happen to stumble upon this blog. I hope they understand that to keep their work fresh you have to have a blend of characters. Girls make good lead characters, just as boys do. There is a need to gender specify an animal because people will give it one, and you want it to be true to your work.

There are cases where parents need a reason to encourage their children to read. It is easier to do that if characters are relatable to the child. I have been blessed with a child who loves her books; but even that may change. She too may need encouragement to face a bully, and Brother Bear is not going to be relatable enough to her. She may want to play on a team someday and not be accepted; a male character going through something similar is not going to help her find her voice.

While I cannot control what the publishers do, and I cannot control who buys what books. I cannot control what books win awards. There is something that I can do. I can remind my daughter that she can do anything she wants; all she has to do is put her mind to the task at hand. Just like my parents did. I am also contemplating writing my own children’s book with a female lead character. To show my daughter what determination can lead to. Wish me luck. 😊

When Breastfeeding Ends

 

The Truth of the Matter:

I have been away from the computer for far too long again. Though, when life gets busy or I am all up in my feelings; it is best I step back some. That being said, I have been trapped by my own emotions by another milestone of my child. She decided a couple of months ago that she was done breastfeeding. It broke my heart cause I was going to give her two more months before I told her enough was enough. I wasn’t ready for her to use that independent mind of hers to make her own choice.

I mean think about everything we go through in the first year and a half to two years of our little people’s lives. We nurse them for a solid three to four months, burp them after every feeding, if you child has infant reflux you’re taking extra care of that. You walk the floors with them half the night when they cannot fall asleep, sometimes having to do extra feedings to help them stay full to sleep. There are a lot of sleepless moments for new Moms! Then you have the Moms’ with the opposite issue, they are having to wake up their sleepy heads so they eat enough. Then your little darling’s body decides it is time for teeth to start coming in. Now you are dealing with teething, trying to soothe the pain your child has from it, which as they adjust to the changes in their mouth means you may be bitten. That hurts! Those new teeth are sharp! All in all you stay the course and nurse them because you feel it is the best way to give your child a good jump start in life. Food demands change, you have started solids and they need to nurse a little less. I was personally okay with this; but more teeth decided to join the party. Now you are back up pacing the floors at night, soothing the pain as best you can, and again being bitten as they nurse because their little mouth is adjusting to the new teeth.

We all know that the teething eventually slows down. It is one phase in life that I was glad was done for a while. All because I felt helpless when my child was in pain. Now your child is eating small bites of real food. You notice more of their need to nurse lessen again. You feel a little sad knowing they are growing up and will not need to nurse for long; but you never realize how soon it will actually end. So you do start preparing for the inevitable you cut out a nursing session during the day that you child seems to think that they do not need. Change some of the daily routine to account for this added time. I started getting dishes done sooner in the day. Haha. You see my point though, we go through a lot with our kiddos. Breastfeeding had taken a lot of time, energy and patience to do. Then your child just gives it up!

There really isn’t a manual for how to feel when this part of your child’s life is over. Nor how to really deal with all the milk you’re still making. It is a bit annoying to be honest. The flurry of mixed emotions was insane too. You feel a sense of loss of connection with your child, you feel relieved, you worry that it is too soon, after all of that you get okay with it. After all we all know our babies will not be babies forever. I personally felt all of these in less than half an hour for about two weeks everyday, all day. I thought my husband was going to lose his mind. Like the champion that he is; he took all of this in stride and we would sit and talk about everything. This allowed me to process everything, even look at it from a different view point.

Finding the Humor:

There is some humor to be found when a child self-weans. They say they are done with ta-tas; yet Mama is still producing milk. This part of the process is very uncomfortable. Now you can pump it I am sure and give it to them in a sippy cup or bottle. I did not go this route. Instead, I expressed a little when pressure would build up. Around this time; my child was dealing with a serious battle with her allergies (Spring had just started to go into full bloom. Pollen is the enemy!), and the beginnings of an ear infection. This was affecting her sleep patterns.(Here comes the humor.) So one night when pressure from the milk had built up I told her she had to take one for the team and nurse. She hadn’t nursed in three weeks at that point. She laughed at me but happily nursed and slept better. Sometimes they just have to take one for the team. Hahaha.

Eventually, you start to make less and less. Life goes on as normal, constantly on the run. Ensuring that your little human is not being too much of a daredevil. I even mentioned all of this to my daughter’s doctor at a recent appointment. She told me it would take a while, but it was definitely a good thing that my daughter decided to do this on her own. I took some comfort in that. After doing some reading online and reading some nightmarish stories about kids whose mother’s had to ween them; I became very happy. My child had made her own choice and did not have to be told it was time, toddler tantrums test the sanity of even the strongest Mamas.

Enjoying a Little Freedom:

While I loved having the bonding time with my daughter that only breastfeeding can give; I do like the fact that I do not feel as tired as I did when I nursed. I get to enjoy more of the time playing with my daughter, or doing other things that I need to do around the house. She is also able to spend a night with her grandparents without me worry about can she fall asleep without nursing, or me needing to pump to enjoy a night out with my husband.

It is natural to miss previous phases in our children’s’ lives. The one thing all parents have to remember is that if they do not grow, and move past phases in their lives something is wrong. It is a miracle to bring our little people into the world. It is also miraculous to watch them grow into the people they will become.

 

The Evolution of a Mother…

During pregnancy

After Pregnancy 🙂

A New Evolution in Life:

Every Mama goes through her own journey of finding herself again after having her first child. Part of this journey is figuring out the type of mother that she is. I knew when I was growing up and even when I was pregnant with my daughter, that I wanted to be a Mama much like my own Mama. She is one strong lady who never gives herself the credit she deserves. Before baby I was always learning how to best help the environment, always interested in homeopathic remedies for things. Anything to not have to rely on “Big Pharma” to help me feel better. I swear the side effects are worse than the illness that it is supposed to treat! I am what my Mama referred to as “hippy dippy”. Well having a baby doesn’t change who you are completely. It does however make certain aspects of your pre-baby self evolve into something new. At times this could be an improvement.

I do say that having my daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me. She makes me want to be the best version of me possible so that she has a good example to help her lay the foundation of her own adulthood when she crosses that bridge. I have had to do further evaluation of myself; which let us face facts it is never fun. During these self evaluations I have realized that I did not completely lose myself in motherhood like I thought. I evolved. I have evolved into a new stage in my own personal human development. This is not a bad thing just a new phase. In many ways I now view it similar to the rebirth of a Phoenix. A mythical creature I have always been able to relate to due to other events that have occurred in my life.

I tend to be my own worst critic. I am critically hard on myself, which at times has made me think the worst of myself. Because of this, there are times I have run my evaluations of myself past my husband. He is a great sounding board for me. I am blessed that I married my best friend. He helps me get past the overly critical points and look at the base facts. He is also prone to wanting to find ways to fix things…so we discuss that too if it is something that I really want to change. Then we discuss how to implement these changes. It is helpful, even if it does make me a little batty. 🙂

What Aspects of Myself Mattered

I am prone to being a pretty simple bear. I love having the time that I get with our daughter. I love simple things: knitting, crocheting, reading, gardening (when I have the space), cooking, and obviously writing. I like getting all of the thoughts jumbled in my head out, and hearing the ideas of others. I also enjoy music, and singing. I gave up gaming when it just made me feel worse than other activities that I enjoyed. Much of this I discovered before having a baby. Gaming I figured out after having my little bundle of sunshine. So many of these hobbies I chose to hold onto to help keep my sanity. Even Mamas need a time out!

After looking at my hobbies; which honestly was the easiest part. The difficult part was looking at my personal morals and values. While these make up an enormous part of how I look at the world, it was easy to see where I could start seeing the shades of gray on some topics. Then there were others that went from having some varying shades of gray to being more firm in one position that I was before. It happens. Our lives our ever evolving works of art. Things change, even morals and values. Most of these did not change too much for me. However, it did make me notice how traditional I was. I also started noticing ways that being so traditional were not a bad thing and can benefit me in the future. This was one of those areas where I needed my husband to bounce ideas around.

My love of the environment, alternative medicine, and herbal remedies on the other hand did have some tweeks occur post-baby. They became much stronger. I was always the type of person who loves the idea of compost (have never had room to do it), use everything you can of something to prevent waste and an direct negative impact on the planet. We do paperless billing, we use leftovers instead of throwing food away, we have a fuel efficient car, also only one car. We cut lights out when we are not using them. All the little things to prevent wasting resources. We use traditional medicine, it is not all bad. We go to the doctor for our yearly physicals, our daughter has regular visits with her pediatrician and we chose to have her vaccinated. I use new age medicine where I feel it is applicable. I use aromatherapy to prevent anxiety issues with me, and to help my family relax after a long or busy day, and massage to help my little one unwind. I use herbal remedies when my husband or I have a migraine because the weather cannot make up its mind or pollen has gotten the better of us. I also use it as a first defense to keep us from having to go to the doctor. Generally it works, there are times we have to give up the ghost and go to the doctor. Chronic issues like joint issues that I have I use herbal remedies to help me calm down and heat with ice to deal with swelling. I have fought with these for years, and it is what the doctor will tell me to do. Especially since I do not like taking pain pills. You see where I am going with this.

Once I kept evaluating this “hippy dippy” side of myself I started noticing more and more these articles in my newsfeed on Facebook about chemical household cleaners. A lot of this started about the time she was a newborn, and I became concerned. I even started researching how cleaning would have been done around the time of the Victorian era before many of these chemical cleaners like bleach even reached the market. Most of this research was done while sleep deprived during the colicy period of my baby’s life; so I do not remember it. What I did start doing was this. I began researching homeopathic cleaners, and essential oils. I began cleaning with a vinegar and water solution with essential oils to help add to the cleaner as well as brighten up the scent. I stopped using many traditional cleaners. I started piecing together what kind of Mama I am.

Putting the Pieces Together

Once I had talked to my husband, and began understanding the evolution of me, I was able to put the pieces together to discover the type of mother I am. Yes, I am stern. I do not let my child run our household. She had to start learning that there were rules in our house, once she was old enough to get into things. I am a homeopathic Mama. I do not like using chemicals in my home, especially around surfaces and areas where my daughter lives her daily life. I have noticed a relaxed feeling around the whole family because of this choice. I minimize junk food because my family prefers my cooking over junk food full of preservatives and additives. I also want my baby to have a healthy association with food, and exercise. I tend to workout with my child around so she can see Mama work hard to be healthy. We make it a game for her. Children learn through the example that they are given.

I am happy with the choices I have made so far as a Mama. I know we all have to follow our own path to be the parent we want to be for our children. That is one of the greatest things in life is our ability to have the right to choose our paths in life. I have pieced the puzzle together and rose from the ashes of my pre-baby self a stronger, more attuned version of myself.

I realize that in many ways I have imitated many of the things that my Mama did with us. I am blessed to have had such an awesome example as a child. I hope that I can be the same shining example for my own daughter. I have heard my Mama say that I am doing a lot of things like her. Harry Chapin really should have also done a Mother/daughter version of “Cats in the Cradle”.

 

 

Where Did Acceptance Go?

Why Do We Let the Mind Trick Us?

When did we as a global community become so angry? Where did we take the turn making us think that if someone does not think like us that it is okay to become angry, vengeful, and intolerant of any new ideas? Could it also be that is all the media shows us these days? Our evening news shows the worst of humanity and less of what is good about humanity. One of the best things about humanity is that we have free will. The ability to tell right from wrong, and how we feel about different topics. Our free will gives us the ability to decide whether to be angry and closed minded; or it can give us the ability to show acceptance of different ideals.

We have at least one generation coming into adulthood that feels entitled. That the world must conform to their ideals and wants. No one owes anyone a living. We all have to work for everything we have. Though, we can all be open to new ideas. Look at something from someone else’s viewpoint before just shutting it down. We do not have to accept the new ideals if they do not fit our morals and values; but we do have to agree to a simple truth: We have to accept that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Once this fact is accepted life can become much simpler.

It is new ideas that help society advance to the next level. Change is difficult to accept; it is one reason we tend to look at the past and refer to it as the “good old days”. Where nostalgia triggers our memories to remember things as simpler; as good and wholesome. This is not always the case. Our own memories trick us into romanticizing the past. Not the negative things that no longer exist because the ideals of the people have changed. Examples can include: Women having the right to vote, children not being allowed to work in factories, segregation has ended (At least in many places in the world). These are all things that held society back as a whole. Acceptance of new ideas had to occur to allow all of these to begin to happen. Otherwise we would still be living in at least a Victorian society.

Onion Layers

All of the lessons we teach our children come in onion layers. Each one important, each one valuable but geared for their ability to understand. When a child is a baby everything is new. Babies are clean slates. So even the earliest lessons stick. We as their parents generally teach them that they do not touch the stove because it is hot. That is a new idea to them but they may not believe us till they almost burn their little hand. When they are toddlers and young children; we are just starting to really teach the basics of following rules. The only idea that really matters is that they follow the rules at home and at school to stay safe. The rest of the world is a place to explore. They are starting to develop a new layer. They are learning to figure somethings out for themselves and they will begin asking questions. They will also be paying closer attention to how we perceive new information and treat new ideas. Do we blast the new idea? Or do we accept it as either a good idea or a difference of opinion? This is a critical phase in life that can determine how they accept a difference in views or new ideas for the rest of their lives.

As children grow older the layers continue to grow. This little onion who started as a clean slate has turned into a complex human being who has a mind of their own! By the time puberty hits they will probably start voicing many of their opinions to you. How you receive them still shapes how they think, how they learn to accept new thoughts. Though as the child grows older, you too should explain why you think the way that you do. If you shut them down; they may never learn how to effectively communicate new ideas, or even how they think a project could be better in school. I remember growing up, when I would have a difference in opinion from my Mama; she would handle it one of two ways: The first being to have an open dialogue about it. The second what to express where she felt we were wrong through example. This taught my brother and I to think outside of the box even more; but it more importantly taught us that we are not always going to agree with everyone…Even our own Mama! We had to accept that others had different ideas of how life should be.

Being Examples

From the day our children are born we want to be shining examples to them as to what life is and how people should be. I know that my own child has made me want to be the best possible version of myself for her. In order to be that example I have to show her that I am human, that I am not always going to agree with the person next to me. The most important thing I can teach her is that I acknowledge their right to have a differing opinion. That she can (as she grows older; believe me the Sass is strong with this one!) have a differing opinion and I will still love her unconditionally.

With all of the changes in the political arena here in the US since November; why can we not show that to one another? We all know we have different opinions of things. Why must we go to the streets protesting, stating how you think about blowing up the White House (Madonna that one is for you), wearing costumes and hats in the image of genitalia, rioting, and degrading the very people who vowed to protect and serve?! Why is it that we cannot give our children examples of the best version of ourselves and peacefully protest without the dramatics? Can we teach our children to accept the fact that our neighbor has the right to have a different opinion?

I am not talking about conformity folks. That goes against everything that our forefathers fought and died for. Let us face the fact that as Americans we are founded upon the principles of rebellion! We cannot expect things to get better or for our voices to be heard acting like fools; or while our politicians think that they do not have to fear losing their jobs or while their terms are essentially limitless. Work the system from the outside in. Teach the upcoming generation that they have to work for what they want, and that throwing a temper tantrum will not get them what they want; while teaching them that we all have the right to our opinion and how to gracefully accept that fact.

 

Not My Movement, Not My Voice

**Disclaimer: I usually do not voice my opinion on political matters because we are ALL entitled to our own opinion. Today’s topic has been rubbing me wrong for the last few weeks, so now I am voicing my own personal opinion.**

Women’s Rights:

We have seen in the media lately, well since Inauguration day; more talks of women’s rights in the media. I am not against women’s rights. Let me just say that first. As a woman, I firmly believe that women should receive equal pay as a man for the same work. That we should not be harassed by men who do not know how to show women respect or respect their personal space. I also do not believe women should be discriminated against because of age or the ability to give life. I also believe that a mother should not have to nurse her child in a bathroom or out in her car to prevent offending anyone. I also believe that NO matter how you identify in this life that you should be subjected to any of the above mentioned either.

I am a feminist. Just not a radical feminist. I do not feel that men should be treated as dogs, or second class citizens. I do not believe that women should just be given all of the rights and privileges because we have a an inny not an outty. I do not think that a feminist should deny another feminist because of a difference in ideals. I also believe that ALL people should have the same rights as anyone else no matter what makes you so different. There was another group of men in our country who also thought the same way for their period in time. These men were the founding fathers of the United States of America.

Can anyone please tell me where dressing in a vagina costume, or wearing any other costume of any combination of female genitalia, had you taken seriously? Why were pro-life groups turned away from an event that was stated as being for ALL WOMEN? This occurred because the organizers for this event did not specify that if your ideals are not ours you are not fighting for women’s rights. You are not thinking of women’s’ best interest. That is exactly what the organizers of the Women’s March did. I was annoyed then. I am furious now! They have planned 10 events for President Trump’s first one hundred days in office. Whatever, I really am not bothered by that part. What does infuriate me and offend me is that because I am a pro-LIFE, stay at home mother, who has a husband who appreciates her; I am not a feminist, that my view does not matter and they are my voice. I am going to scream this part: NOT MY MOVEMENT, NOT MY VOICE!!!!! How dare you tell me that I am not a feminist because of my ideals, and who elected y’all to be the voice of women everywhere? Because I quite frankly darlin’ want a recount.

I Did Research:

I could go into the history of women fighting for their rights from the suffragettes, to Rosie the riveter, prohibition (mostly a group of women who were tired of being beaten by drunk husbands…do not blame them!), all the way to modern day. Quite frankly folks, I would be writing for the next one hundred years because women have always had to fight for equal rights. There are many women throughout history we should be thanking for all that they did to give us the world we have today. We can vote, we can report abuse, we are no longer property of our spouses, we can work and receive equal treatment; girls and women today can be educated. There are parts of this big blue marble that cannot claim that!!!!!

I am a person who prefers to have both sides of the story. So before blasting negative statements about the Women’s March; I did research. I went to their website, read their principles and other things. It is more of the socialist agenda that we heard during the election from Mr. Bernie Sanders; just geared toward women and the gender oppressed rights. Well, their next event is going to be tomorrow March 8th. It is called: A Day Without Women (Note that the gender oppressed are not mentioned). My own personal outrage is coming up y’all. They do not want women to go to work or school, they are to wear red to signify support, they should not do anything around the house, and women are not to go shopping unless it is to minority owned small business; and they expect all of these bewildered husbands to stand in and do it all. Trust me I will be addressing all of this shortly. They have on their website a lesson plan that teachers can wiggle into their busy school days, to educate children on this. Well the girls who do go to school on that day and all of the boys. I found myself feeling nauseated. Especially after reading the first organization listed to donate money to: Planned Parenthood aka: Legal Genocide. Here is a little about me that I will share; I am Roman Catholic, one of our core principles is the sanctity of LIFE. Which means guess what? I am very Pro-Life! I was appalled, sick, and beyond livid!

Now To Blow My Top:

While I could start ranting and throw four letter words into the mix, it does not accomplish anything except to make me look A) Uneducated, and B) Sound like a blooming lunatic, C) I will get totally off point and start repeating myself. So, let us see if I can organize my thoughts just a bit.

Points of Rage:

1. Do not give teachers a lesson plan to indoctrinate our children into your way of thinking! Period. Especially in public schools where it is the taxpayers who pay for the children in a community to go to school. Social debates for lack of a better term are for the parents to explain to their children. I am sure many parents enjoyed explaining why Madonna wanted to blow up the White House, and why there were women dressed up as vaginas on TV. Young children especially have a difficult enough time learning how to share, play well with others, and how to follow rules. They DO NOT need a radical feminist teacher to confuse them as to what gender they truly are! Besides people and look this up, kids are not able to make those sort of distinctions about their gender identity until they are 21 years old. Many psychologists call it being “monkey brained”.
2. If you are an organization that supports all genders who are oppressed why centralize your event around just Women? Just saying.
3. Do not sit there acting all high and mighty stating that your events benefit all women and then tell those of us who do not fit into your mold that we are not worthy. Guess what we are! Yet those of us on the more conservative end of the spectrum do not sit there and tell you everything that you do wrong. Guess what we live in the land of the FREE and home of the brave; the first amendment states that all citizens of this country have the right to free speech. I am taking advantage of that right now. You do not speak for all women. Only those who feed into your garbldy goop.
4. I have a real problem with people who state that women should stop doing everything for a day and the men pick up the slack. In a day and age where boys are taught that they do not have to step up to their responsibilities (ie: their children) and leave many women to do it all anyways; we should be CELEBRATING the MEN who do step up to the plate and take care of their responsibilities. They go to work, help at home, and help with their children. These men do not get anywhere near the credit for what they do everyday. So NO, I will not give up my responsibilities in my home, or not take care of my child. A child who is dependent upon her parents for everything. Yes, I run our home, and do the majority of the work raising our daughter during the day. Guess what?! That was our choice! One we made happily. My husband appreciates everything I do everyday. So tell me what is achieved by thrusting more work on him after he has been in the office all day making sure that we are able to live comfortably, and without needing additional childcare? Not one thing is accomplished by doing this except unnecessary strain and stress in my marriage.
5. Who gives you the right to tell me that the only feminist is pro-choice? I fully believe in giving all life a chance. All life is sacred. I was also taught at a young age, if you do the deed be ready to accept the responsibilities. There is no easy button in life. Only in commercials. You also never know who could be born to give the world the next great advancement. Cherish life, do not destroy it. Not all feminists fit your mold so sorry.
6. My identity is not based on being a heterosexual woman. I love who I love. It just happened to be a man. We have the traditional family unit. That is not my identity. It is only part of what shapes my identity. I am smart, funny, creative, and have a short fuse if pushed too far. I am a Southern girl who loves hard and if you hurt the people that I love will make Satan look like a cute kitten. I have an unwavering faith in God, and try to always find a positive side to all adversity. This is my identity. Not my gender. I love to read, cook, knit and crochet. Those are just some of the things I enjoy. I am sorry that the only things you have to identify yourself are sexuality and gender; or lack thereof if that is your choice. You are missing out on so many other things in life outside of your anger.

I could go on and on. Lord knows my husband has had to hear my rant. So I am going to say this, tomorrow on March 8th, please go to work, take care of your homes. Your spouses and partners do appreciate you. There is a better way to get your voice heard than ridiculous costumes and loud mouth celebrities who are not the shining example of what real women really are. Work from the outside in, petitions, lobbyists (as much as I hate them), letters; they are all better options then making a public spectacle of yourself and others. March, by all means it is your constitutional right. Though consider taking a page from Dr. King’s playbook. It seemed to work. Life is too short to always be angry at a man who may only hold an office for 4 to 8 years. I have written my peace. I actually feel better for doing so. Teach your daughters to have a mind of her own. Teach her to make her own decisions, get all of the facts; not what is just fed to her through the media. Teach her to respect her own mind and body enough to know its true worth. Priceless. Something no one can ever take away from her and she must protect with fervor.