The Truth of the Matter:
I have been away from the computer for far too long again. Though, when life gets busy or I am all up in my feelings; it is best I step back some. That being said, I have been trapped by my own emotions by another milestone of my child. She decided a couple of months ago that she was done breastfeeding. It broke my heart cause I was going to give her two more months before I told her enough was enough. I wasn’t ready for her to use that independent mind of hers to make her own choice.
I mean think about everything we go through in the first year and a half to two years of our little people’s lives. We nurse them for a solid three to four months, burp them after every feeding, if you child has infant reflux you’re taking extra care of that. You walk the floors with them half the night when they cannot fall asleep, sometimes having to do extra feedings to help them stay full to sleep. There are a lot of sleepless moments for new Moms! Then you have the Moms’ with the opposite issue, they are having to wake up their sleepy heads so they eat enough. Then your little darling’s body decides it is time for teeth to start coming in. Now you are dealing with teething, trying to soothe the pain your child has from it, which as they adjust to the changes in their mouth means you may be bitten. That hurts! Those new teeth are sharp! All in all you stay the course and nurse them because you feel it is the best way to give your child a good jump start in life. Food demands change, you have started solids and they need to nurse a little less. I was personally okay with this; but more teeth decided to join the party. Now you are back up pacing the floors at night, soothing the pain as best you can, and again being bitten as they nurse because their little mouth is adjusting to the new teeth.
We all know that the teething eventually slows down. It is one phase in life that I was glad was done for a while. All because I felt helpless when my child was in pain. Now your child is eating small bites of real food. You notice more of their need to nurse lessen again. You feel a little sad knowing they are growing up and will not need to nurse for long; but you never realize how soon it will actually end. So you do start preparing for the inevitable you cut out a nursing session during the day that you child seems to think that they do not need. Change some of the daily routine to account for this added time. I started getting dishes done sooner in the day. Haha. You see my point though, we go through a lot with our kiddos. Breastfeeding had taken a lot of time, energy and patience to do. Then your child just gives it up!
There really isn’t a manual for how to feel when this part of your child’s life is over. Nor how to really deal with all the milk you’re still making. It is a bit annoying to be honest. The flurry of mixed emotions was insane too. You feel a sense of loss of connection with your child, you feel relieved, you worry that it is too soon, after all of that you get okay with it. After all we all know our babies will not be babies forever. I personally felt all of these in less than half an hour for about two weeks everyday, all day. I thought my husband was going to lose his mind. Like the champion that he is; he took all of this in stride and we would sit and talk about everything. This allowed me to process everything, even look at it from a different view point.
Finding the Humor:
There is some humor to be found when a child self-weans. They say they are done with ta-tas; yet Mama is still producing milk. This part of the process is very uncomfortable. Now you can pump it I am sure and give it to them in a sippy cup or bottle. I did not go this route. Instead, I expressed a little when pressure would build up. Around this time; my child was dealing with a serious battle with her allergies (Spring had just started to go into full bloom. Pollen is the enemy!), and the beginnings of an ear infection. This was affecting her sleep patterns.(Here comes the humor.) So one night when pressure from the milk had built up I told her she had to take one for the team and nurse. She hadn’t nursed in three weeks at that point. She laughed at me but happily nursed and slept better. Sometimes they just have to take one for the team. Hahaha.
Eventually, you start to make less and less. Life goes on as normal, constantly on the run. Ensuring that your little human is not being too much of a daredevil. I even mentioned all of this to my daughter’s doctor at a recent appointment. She told me it would take a while, but it was definitely a good thing that my daughter decided to do this on her own. I took some comfort in that. After doing some reading online and reading some nightmarish stories about kids whose mother’s had to ween them; I became very happy. My child had made her own choice and did not have to be told it was time, toddler tantrums test the sanity of even the strongest Mamas.
Enjoying a Little Freedom:
While I loved having the bonding time with my daughter that only breastfeeding can give; I do like the fact that I do not feel as tired as I did when I nursed. I get to enjoy more of the time playing with my daughter, or doing other things that I need to do around the house. She is also able to spend a night with her grandparents without me worry about can she fall asleep without nursing, or me needing to pump to enjoy a night out with my husband.
It is natural to miss previous phases in our children’s’ lives. The one thing all parents have to remember is that if they do not grow, and move past phases in their lives something is wrong. It is a miracle to bring our little people into the world. It is also miraculous to watch them grow into the people they will become.
Lost in Motherhood 